I’ve always kept my “sexiness” a secret, thinking I had to hide that side of myself.
Then I found boudoir.
I was always ashamed of feeling sexy and showing who I felt like I really was. Before my current relationship, I was always told to “cover up” or “stop acting like that.” I was scolded for being myself.
When we are in toxic relationships we lose ourselves. We try to make the other person happy and hope we don’t upset them. We don’t think about what we lose and what we do to ourselves or the aftermath of those relationships.
Getting out of that relationship was one of the best things that I did for myself. I wasn’t sure of who I was or what I wanted. I was still trying to hide myself because I was told for so long that who I was, was wrong. Slowly but surely I found a “comfortable medium” for my sexiness, still trying to hide. When my first shoot came around, I was nervous. Thinking I would get judged or yelled at, I walked into the shoot timid. Tara encouraged me to be that sexy siren I was. “Kayla this is amazing! Yes! LOOOOVE the sexiness!” She let me be who I truly wanted to be! And for the first time in my life, I was allowed to be sexy without being criticized for it! Throughout that shoot I turned my sexiness up little by little, and it showed in the pictures! I asked if we could do some cute, not so sexy, pictures and she agreed. I had my favorite tank top and some cute booty shorts. Still feeling sexy, but way more comfortable. Even those pictures turned out sexy but in a more relaxed way! I loved how I could still feel sexy while “fully clothed.”
After the shoot I took that new found confidence out into my real life. Yes, it took time to actually feel comfortable with my new swagger. I walked different, chin held higher, my hips had a little more sway to them, and I was actually comfortable wearing that low cut top I truly loved. I was able to open up about sex and didn’t feel awkward when someone told me I looked good. I realized I am never going to hide myself for someone else. If my partner can’t deal with my sexiness, then they can’t deal with me. Stay true to yourself and don’t EVER let anybody tell you to stop being YOU.