Once I hit junior high I started noticing the differences between myself and the popular girls. I was overweight, had bad acne, never wore makeup, had no idea what to do with my frizzy hair and I did not dress in the latest fashions.
Boys who were my pals in grade school definitely did not look at me the same way. Whether or not we admit it, these things all matter at the time. Junior high years into high school are such an awkward time for nearly everyone, even the “beautiful people.” It is a formative time, and let’s face it: Some kids are just unkind.
Plus, all the hormones are transforming our bodies into complete strangers from what we once were.
I was the smart girl, the funny girl, the nice girl but I was never the pretty girl.
In order to fit in and feel like I was wanted or worthy, I followed many reckless people into many reckless situations. It was a pattern that would continue into my 30’s. I just wanted someone to love me and make me feel like I was worthy of love.
It wasn’t until I overcame insurmountable odds and survived death, that I took a long hard look at myself. I began to see that being smart, being funny and being kind were the very assets which make me beautiful and worthy.
The last few years I have started healthier eating habits and going to the gym regularly. I recently had a breast reduction surgery which I desperately needed for my back problems and my self-image. I am learning my body is not my enemy, and I have a strong urge to care for it. After all, it has got me this far and done so amazingly.
I still have days in which I struggle with negative thoughts, I’m sure we all do. I was even unsure about becoming a brand ambassador because that dark, shadow voice told me I would never look like a model.
I smothered that voice. I wanted to do this not only for myself, but for all my ladies out there who struggle with their own self-worth and image.
I didn’t know what to expect as I had never done any type of photo shoot before that day. I was nervous, but Tara instantly put me at ease telling me and showing me how to pose. I hadn’t felt that sexy in a long time. It truly was empowering to see myself in that light.
I’m doing this for myself and for all of us who have ever felt not pretty enough. From the moment I walked into Tara’s studio, I not only felt like I was worthy of loving myself, but I knew I was a goddess.